According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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