he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
