can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
