Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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