I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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