And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
