i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Are we still banned from the library?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize