seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
