false alarm. still invincible.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
