Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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