On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
