If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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