There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
