i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
