my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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