party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
