It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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