Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
