I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
