But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
