Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
