I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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