Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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