I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
