why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
