i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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