my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
