he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
