Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
