Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
