This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
