We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
