i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
