I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
