Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
