i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
