Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
