I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
