I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
