Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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