I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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