I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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