but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
