I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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