Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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