I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
