perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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