I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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