I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
