Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
