apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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