I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
