Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
