Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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