Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
