Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
