i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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