if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
