He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
vagina is talking i cant
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
