She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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