Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
