There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
