No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize