my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
